Living in the Kadosh Hakadashim...

And when Jesus had cried out again in a loud voice, he gave up his spirit. At that moment the curtain of the temple was torn in two from top to bottom. The earth shook and the rocks split. The tombs broke open and the bodies of many holy people who had died were raised to life.

Matthew 27:50 – 52

So I was washing my hands in the bathroom the other day (that one’s for you mom) when a friend of mine came in who had recently attended a worship service in Victoria. When I asked Him how it was he remarked on the joy that can be found when the music is so loud your voice is completely lost. I smiled, concurred, and then went back to class, but my friends comment got me thinking.

What would it be like to be completely surrounded by the presence of God – to be engulfed by Him? How would that change the way I live, think, and dream?

In the Bible it speaks of such a place, a place where the strong became weak, the proud –humble.

Kadosh Hakadashim, the Holy of Holies, the Most Holy Place.

Every year at Yom Kippur the High Priest, and only the High Priest, would pass through a curtain in the temple and enter into the Holy of Holies - with a lower priest gripping onto a rope that was attached to the ankle of the High Priest, why you ask? Well in case the sacrifice was performed improperly and the High Priest had to be smitten of course (in which case the other priests would not have to enter the Holy of Holies but rather could drag him out).

My first reaction was to wrap my head around this, to comprehend the glory that was being revealed that caused these men, these spiritual leaders, to keel over and die. Wait though, that can’t be the God I know, can it?

When Jesus died the curtain was torn. Men who had trembled at the mentioning of Kadosh Hakadashim, could now see what was behind the curtain, and it must have been a disappointment. This veil was a symbol of distinction between man and God - between us and Him.

Now don’t get me wrong – I am beyond grateful, beyond appreciative for the atonement of our sins, but lately (in my humanness) I’ve been wondering. What would it be like to be so insignificant, so weak, so frail – in the presence of God? And why, if I worship the same God who took residence inside this Holy Place, why has my reverence subsided? Why has my humility not increased in light of who He is? Why am I still as arrogant, as proud, and as boastful as I was yesterday?

In no way is this year about me. It is not about the kids I will come alongside at church, the people I will reach on the streets of New York, it is about a God who can do “abundantly more than we can ask or imagine” (Eph. 4:20).

I am not a good person. In the sight of God our “righteous acts” are considered used menstrual rags (Isaiah 64:6).

The One who will love the people of St. John’s will not be me.

The One who will weep when faced with the realities of Brooklyn, will not be me.

When I cry because of a brother in anguish, those will not be my tears.

When I stand against opression - the enemy, those will not be my legs.

"He must increase, but I must decrease" (John 3:30).

So dear brothers and sisters I ask that you pray for me – not that I would find out who I am, what I can do – but that God would remain consistent in his grace, considering me worthy to hurt for the ones he loves.

an unscheduled and ungraded post...

To the avid fans who check this blog religously (can I say that?) this post might throw a hiccup into your routine. So this will act as a warning for any OCD sufferers that this might just be a wrench in your meticulous life.

Today I had the privledge of just existing. It is one that I abuse the other 364 days of the year, but today I just was. Lately I have been feeling the strain of this awkward time where there is no class but we are still here. I say awkward because I enjoy this place immensely but its time to go home...for a while at least.

So as I wait things out here I found God calling me back to just spend time with Him. Not in an extremely overt way, through prayer or scripture reading for example, but in reading for pleasure - in writing with the only goal of filling pages upon pages with your thoughts, allegories, and quirks.

With this, God has been calling me back to some of my earlier passions. When you are surrounded by Godly men who are working at furthering the Kingdom in North America you begin to think. I saw the wisdom and knowledge these guys possessed and began to think of myself in their shoes - as doing something like they do. In itself I don't think this is inherently wrong, but I began to try to squeeze myself into the mold of these men and not Jesus. So I wrote off my passion for the Middle East, my passion for adventure, for danger - all in the name of becoming a man of God. But thats exactly where I went wrong, isn't it?

Becoming a man of God is not becoming a man of Mark Driscoll, a man of John Piper, a man of Jim Badke.

In Hebrews it writes of the great cloud of witnesses (Hebrews 12)and how they act as encouragement so that we can, "(fix) our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfector of faith..."

I got so lost in the witnesses that I began to lose sight of the author and perfector.

So maybe I'm not going to wait things out here - maybe I'll spend this next week passionately desiring the Lord of the Universe. I can now say, with more understanding than previously, that He is good. All the time.

Again, to you who have joined me in this rollercoaster, thank you, thank you, thank you.

Jake

the eleventh hour...

But encourage one another day after day, as long as it is still called "Today," so that none of you will be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin.

Hebrews 3:13

It’s been an interesting week in the area of ministry here at Kaleo. First and foremost our days were filled with Church Ministry, a course that would interest even the most particular of believers. It is always difficult to come to a consensus when dealing with something that is divine – yet human, and this was reflected in the lack of absolutes that were developed over the course of this class. It frustrated the crap out of me...in a good way, does that make sense?

So with a brain resembling an intense seniors boggle game, I headed into my weekend with a full work schedule – balancing kitchen work, dishes, and barista responsibilities can have its toll, I am currently writing this under the influence of artificial energy. One moment stuck out amidst the chaos though.

I walked in on the end of one of the sessions with the speaker; the speaker finished his talk and then invited the worship team up. As the music began there was something different. I’m not referring to an overwhelming amount of baritone voices, but something much more significant. As a person who desires to be a man of God, it is so encouraging to stand at the back of a room and see hands rise to praise God. Not just arms accented by cuff links and gold watches, but arms that were tattooed, wrinkled, dirty, all equal before the throne of God. I use to think that when boys became men they grew in maturity and turned away from foolish ways, though I`ve come to find very little truth to this though, I was shaken at the faith these men displayed. It went far beyond the raising of the hands, but throughout the weekend – I cannot stress this enough, I felt a deep tangible encouragement by these men who were truly acting as God had made them.

To be a man of God is not a theory. I`m learning that regardless of what we hold in our heart as our deepest convictions, if those are not manifested in our world than we are not men. We are simply boys who refuse to take responsibility, and by the grace of God, build His kingdom. I am feeling tugged in this area of my life. A lover of theology, debate, and discussion, I am finding myself with insufficient funds in the area of action. I love talking about love, but showing it? I read somewhere that faith without deeds is dead.

So I find myself staring at my computer screen writing about it. Pray that the words on this blog are not just that, words. This blog post is short, and I think I’m ok with that.

Thanks again,

Jake

the ten commandments...

Who among you is wise and understanding? Let him show by his good behaviour his deeds in the gentleness of wisdom.

James 3:13

I’m not sure if you know this, but I’m pretty hardcore. Now wait, I don’t mean hardcore in the sense you’re assuming. I am most moved by teachers who preach raw and tough truths. I am either wholly out of something – or wholly into something. Ask my mom. I had a conveyor belt of fads growing up, granted they wouldn’t last past the weekend, but for that period of time...I was hardcore.

This past Saturday I decided to neglect my pressing paper (don’t worry Dad I got it done), and went to a retirement home down the road. Having just finished watching a Mark Driscoll sermon, if you know this preacher, you know you seldom leave one his sermons with neutral feelings. He’s one of the best in provoking a reaction – and I was pumped. I strolled from the car (with a little strut) and whipped open the door to Oceanside Retirement Centre. This was not wise.

I am no physician, but I thought I felt an abnormal heartbeat of poor Mavis as I plopped down beside here, eager for conversation. My rapid fire question style, “Where are you from? How’d you get here? Are you going to eat those bananas?” led to a quick formal conversation. As we sat awkwardly looking at the ocean I felt God telling me to breathe.

And in...and out. Deep breathe.

I have ignored a lot of truth because it wasn’t conveyed in gentleness. Why is that? Is it not still truth? We have these flaws, don’t we? As soon as someone starts speaking who we don’t respect, we turn off. When someone is in my face my human nature is fight or flight. In the same way are we abusing the Word and truth of God by presenting it in a monotone, and dry package?

I was reading a book this year for class and I wanted to stab myself in the eyes. But, I kept telling myself, no this is truth so push through. And that is going to happen; there will be dry authors that speak truth. But is this what God intended? If we look at the Bible, we have epic battle tales, romantic poetry, comedic stories, dramatic stories...magnificent stories. Maybe I’ve grown up in a visual generation, with Youtube, with HD TV, and Facebook, a lot of my intolerance for these authors probably stems from my nurture. Regardless, if the church is striving to be relevant, the way it communicates must change.

This brings me to youth at St. John’s this week. This week we split genders and guys stayed at the church while the ladies headed elsewhere. Before we got our ‘manliness’ on, we watched a video. Now to understand my feelings towards this video we have to go deep into the past and open some old wounds. I have beef with Focus on the Family, and there is a word limit on this blog post, so I won’t go into it. But know they have been a thorn in my side since early adolescence. As this video, on the topic of sex (obviously on guys night), told horror story after horror story as people in the midst of the mid – 90’s spoke on why abstinence could have changed their life, I sat stunned. Not at the message, I was in agreement, but at the way it was portrayed in a cookie cutter, right – wing, judgemental, and condemning way, that our faith has become synonymous with.

I am noticing that the tone, the words I use, the way I convey them, is almost as important as the message itself.

1 Corinthians 9:21-23 says this, “To those not having the law I became like one not having the law (though I am not free from God's law but am under Christ's law), so as to win those not having the law. To the weak I became weak, to win the weak. I have become all things to all men so that by all possible means I might save some. I do all this for the sake of the gospel, that I may share in its blessings.”

For prayer this week I ask that you may pray that God would teach me to be versatile. That I would not be afraid to look weak, silly, or (heaven forbid) like a kid. A theme of humility is permeating this year, and I have a feeling it will continue.

Once again, your prayers and encouragement are a gift from God, thank you so much.

Jake

bottom of the ninth...

But you walked away from your first love—why? What's going on with you, anyway? Do you have any idea how far you've fallen? A Lucifer fall! "Turn back! Recover your dear early love. No time to waste, for I'm well on my way to removing your light from the golden circle.

Rev. 2:4-5 (The Message)

I'll start this blog post by speaking allegorically. You know when your walking through dense brush (and yes I know, using "dense brush" in an allegory is proof of my surroundings already) and you get all these branches, are tripped up by logs, and the occasional spider webs finds its way into your mouth? You have a goal in mind - you love the forest, you love what the forest means but sometimes we get so wrapped up and bothered about whats in the forest and we forget about the forest itself - we lose sight of the bigger picture.

Bible college is a dense brush.

As I wrestle through the challenges of proposed doctrines, investigate deeper into Greek and Hebrew origin, and attempt to wrap my head around theology - I am beginning to lose sight of Jesus. I am losing sight of love.

Yesterday was my first hour time slot in the prayer room here at Kaleo and that verse in Revelations was nagging me the entire time. I say nagging because in all honesty I would much rather prefer to consider myself above simple forgetfulness, above that beginner stuff. But God has been revealing to me the many flaws in my foundation. I pondered the doctrine of election before I pondered the idea of giving that homeless guy my sandwhich.

There is something profoundly, deeply, and perversely wrong with that.

So as I sat in the prayer room I looked at the pictures of all the students on the wall, and as I prayed for each one I realized how little love I had for this community, for these people, and it sucked. I wish I could use a better word but a simple and obvious word tends to work best for simple and obvious experiences. Wasn't it Jesus who said that anyone can love someone who loves them, and that true love is loving your enemy?

If this is true - which I consider the words of Jesus to be - than this affects me. In all likelyhood it probably affects you as well. Often if I find myself at odds with someone I quickly pull out and build fantastical arguments against them in my head, why it is ok for me to not like them - they obviously have some stuff they need to work on. And that's just liking people, dear God - am I ready for loving people?

I'm not sure what this looks like - to love people, in all honesty I'm not. And thats tough to type coming from someone who has heard of love for his entire life. Like most things this year I figure it is going to be something I am going to wrestle through...He just couldn't throw me a freebie eh?

So as I journey in prayer this week I would ask that you would come alongside - holding up myself, and the Kaleo community here. I pray 6am - 7am Tuesday morning (which is less than five hours away), 11am-12pm Wendesday, and 3pm-4pm on Thursday. On Friday I have been asked to lead the final chapel for this week so I ask that you would be in prayer for that as well, asking God to give me direction for this chapel and that it would in no way be to glorify me but in all ways glorify Him.

Again, thank you, thank you, thank you - for journeying with me thus far this year.

Love,

Jake

eight is great (and overdue)

Therefore, rid yourselves of all malice and all deceit, hypocrisy, envy and slander of every kind. Like newborn babies, crave pure spiritual milk, so that by it you may grow up in your salvation, now that you have tasted that the Lord is good.

1 Peter 2:1

Apologies are in order. As of this moment  (1:38 Sunday morning) this post is officially almost a week overdue, but there is an upside. Overdue post equals less space in between posts - so in actuality you can leave your thanks in the comment box.

Interesting week. Actually, its been an interesting couple of weeks. I know this will sound like I've lived in BC too long, but at times I have felt like I was having an out of body experience. In the strangest moments too. I would be having a conversation with someone and all of a sudden I would begin to watch myself have that conversation. Very strange.

So far I am finding that the root of this is God ripping out my core. Each day I grow more aware of hurt I didn't know I had caused, words I didn't know I could say, sin I didn't know I had. But I have progressed so far, haven't I? Is now really the time for regression? 

You know that game at Wonderland where you shoot the water in the holes and your horse races horizontally above you? Well picture the different aspects of my spiritual growth being like those horses, this might be difficult, I've heard no one has an imagination anymore. So, the horses are all racing, and horse number one races in front, meanwhile horse two through seven still stumble awkwardly on. Not only are they butchering the race track, but one of the horses falls off and that teenager with the Britney Spears mic has to but it back on... at the beginning.

Nineteen years in the church, seven years going to "spiritual retreats", and two months at a Bible College... and in many ways I'm at the beginning. As I grow in awareness of my sin I am faced with that dreaded proposition of dealing with it, we'll see how that goes.

In the area of ministry - the camp variety has been what's occurring lately. In the midst of doing a full weekend here at Qwanoes - mostly spent in the dish pit... interesting. That is the word I will use to describe my time, and that will be the last time I speak about my time in the dish pit. I am learning of the God who is present and with me. And I hesitate to say that because of its juvenile connotation, but it is none the less true. God is teaching me that.

Upcoming in Kaleo is a week of prayer - there are many things that circle my mind and issues I look forward to bring to prayer in committed disciplined time slots. I am leaning towards this week being significant in the direction of my year - so I would ask that you would join me in prayer this week for my youth group, direction for next year, a thriving and honest community here at Kaleo, and for wisdom as I look to push myself head first into God's word.

In 1 Peter it speaks about a spiritual milk, how we are to crave for this. Paul talks about this in his letter to the church in Corinth (1 Corinthians 3:1-3). How this spiritual milk is the basics, the heart of the gospel of Christ. So this year I hope to do two things. One, be reminded of my daily need for Jesus, plain and simple. Two, to grow into the "solid food" found in scripture, to be challenged and broken by it.

I encourage you to keep journeying with me.

Jake 

seven wonders of the world...

But someone will say, "You have faith; I have deeds." Show me your faith without deeds, and I will show you my faith by what I do.
James 2:18

Transferring bubbles is a difficult task. You have to build new deep relationships – grow more in love with God - learn from wise man...yeah, I’ve got it tough.

That statement sounds completely ridiculous doesn’t it? But the reality is, since mid- June I have had the privilege of being part of two communities, camp and Kaleo, that have provided the right setting for God to work in me in ways I could never have imagined. And lately I’ve been yearning.

This yearn is tangible, like a hunger pain, or a lover waiting for a plane to arrive – it’s deeper. Somehow, in some way, I understand that this yearning is taking place on a spiritual plane. This yearning is for the work that is taking place in my head and heart, to be transferred to my hands and feet.

I’ve heard the excuses, “Jesus was thirty when he began his ministry” or “keep your faith to yourself until you’ve established it more.” Well I can’t believe Jesus did nothing till he was thirty, and I’m pretty positive my faith will never be fully established – and so although I accept that for a season this is what God has for me, I also recognize that if I am not pouring this overflow of love into people then I am drowning.

Drowning.

On Monday we had the opportunity as a group of students to go to downtown Victoria and give out some socks and other items to the homeless down there. We heard the story of Mark, a man who had moved to Victoria from Ontario in pursuit of a girl – but when the girl died of cancer Mark turned to crack. We saw the exchanging of syringes, the rolling of joints, the exhale of momentary relief. We felt the heaviness, the desperation, the hopelessness.

And as we went about our day something felt right, that this was natural. This is the gospel of Christ. Despite the obvious work of the enemy it was overshadowed by the hope that God is working through these people in a way that is far beyond what we can do or comprehend.

I understand that this was for one day, not even, four hours. Then I returned to my hot meals, bank card, and warm bed. God is intentional though, I felt him saying, “ Here, look at what I have in store for you – but for now, for this season, I have something planned for you – trust me.”

James 2: 17 is straight forward, faith without deeds is dead. So I’m striving to resurrect my faith at Kaleo, in my church, with people back home, in my life. God has been so faithful this year, specifically in the lives of those in my youth. I would ask that you will continue to pray for the work that is taking place – that enemy would have no part in that work, that I would continually surrender that work and take none of it for myself.

Again, I cannot express my gratitude.

Much love,

Jake.