roots.

At the end of class today a visiting Briercrest alumni pulled one of the students up to the front, made him stand on a chair, and began to read from Jeremiah 17,

This is what the LORD says:
"Cursed is the one who trusts in man,
who depends on flesh for his strength
and whose heart turns away from the LORD.

He will be like a bush in the wastelands;
he will not see prosperity when it comes.
He will dwell in the parched places of the desert,
in a salt land where no one lives.

"But blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD,
whose confidence is in him.

He will be like a tree planted by the water
that sends out its roots by the stream.
It does not fear when heat comes;
its leaves are always green.
It has no worries in a year of drought
and never fails to bear fruit."

On the students t-shirt was a small tree that looked like it was just planted. But underneath this tiny tree was hundreds of roots. Roots that ran deep and wide in every direction.

And after reading Jeremiah he spoke about how the Lord needs these roots to run deep because of the plans he has for the tree. That, because of the enermous shape the tree will one day attain, the roots must be incredibly strong. And then he said something that kind of caught me offguard, "And that is what God is doing in you, Jake."

To understand this statement I must explain the chapel that we had today before lunch. Jim had decided to set aside two chapels for people to share their experiences and thoughts after coming back from their mission trips (I went to Brooklyn). This was the second day of sharing.

I had made up my mind during the first day of sharing that I would not say anything. For everyone reading right now, this is almost a gurantee that your heart will beat wildly until you share. So, when day two of sharing came around I began to feel the heart beating. Knowing that this symptoms were usually better acknowledged, I decided I did not have enough energy to fight the Holy Spirit and blurted out some noise indicating I would share.

I didn't begin at the beginning, but rather at the end of the trip. As I sat on the ferry and penned these words in my journal:

"I am angry...I feel as if all these people who gave me money, gave in vain. Was it a waste? God, why the hell did I go to New York?"

You see as I sat on that ferry, desperately wishing that the past two weeks meant something, I was utterly stuck in a paralyzing state of despair. I've heard people describe this feeling as being like fighting the mist. And so I returned to camp and I sat and listened as I heard stories of God's provisions, revelations, and majesty. I heard stories of salvation, and I heard stories of hearts breaking for people groups.

And that was what I shared with the group in the chapel. And the same guy who told me that God was building these deep roots in me, just looked at me and said, "I see this Spirit of dispair, and that is a hard place to be."

That is the most encouraging thing anyone has ever said to me. It was Anne Lamott who said the most powerful sermon is, "Me too." And if people were to say,"well I am sure you were of some benefit on that trip" it would take away from the roots God is establishing in me.

Why does everything we do as believers have to be of gain? Why does there exist this tremendous fear of digression? Have we somehow confused Yahweh with the God of progress?

And just today, as I received news of more things that grieve my soul, I find myself feeling very odd. Though my world is crumbling around me, I am realizing something.

My world is crumbling, not God's.

And is that really such a bad place to be in? I remember talking to my brother upon his return from Kaleo and he told me a story. One of the students had lost their best friend in a tragic accident and through immense struggle was posed with the question, is God enough. And though I do not face such extreme circumstances I find myself asking the same question right now.

Is God enough?

I will end with the word of brother Paul to the church in Phillipi, "For me to live is Christ and to die is gain." (Phil. 1:21)

Jacob.