To the avid fans who check this blog religously (can I say that?) this post might throw a hiccup into your routine. So this will act as a warning for any OCD sufferers that this might just be a wrench in your meticulous life.
Today I had the privledge of just existing. It is one that I abuse the other 364 days of the year, but today I just was. Lately I have been feeling the strain of this awkward time where there is no class but we are still here. I say awkward because I enjoy this place immensely but its time to go home...for a while at least.
So as I wait things out here I found God calling me back to just spend time with Him. Not in an extremely overt way, through prayer or scripture reading for example, but in reading for pleasure - in writing with the only goal of filling pages upon pages with your thoughts, allegories, and quirks.
With this, God has been calling me back to some of my earlier passions. When you are surrounded by Godly men who are working at furthering the Kingdom in North America you begin to think. I saw the wisdom and knowledge these guys possessed and began to think of myself in their shoes - as doing something like they do. In itself I don't think this is inherently wrong, but I began to try to squeeze myself into the mold of these men and not Jesus. So I wrote off my passion for the Middle East, my passion for adventure, for danger - all in the name of becoming a man of God. But thats exactly where I went wrong, isn't it?
Becoming a man of God is not becoming a man of Mark Driscoll, a man of John Piper, a man of Jim Badke.
In Hebrews it writes of the great cloud of witnesses (Hebrews 12)and how they act as encouragement so that we can, "(fix) our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfector of faith..."
I got so lost in the witnesses that I began to lose sight of the author and perfector.
So maybe I'm not going to wait things out here - maybe I'll spend this next week passionately desiring the Lord of the Universe. I can now say, with more understanding than previously, that He is good. All the time.
Again, to you who have joined me in this rollercoaster, thank you, thank you, thank you.
Jake
Friday, December 5, 2008
an unscheduled and ungraded post...
Posted by JAKE at 5:05 PM 1 comments
Sunday, November 30, 2008
the eleventh hour...
But encourage one another day after day, as long as it is still called "Today," so that none of you will be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin.
Hebrews 3:13
It’s been an interesting week in the area of ministry here at Kaleo. First and foremost our days were filled with Church Ministry, a course that would interest even the most particular of believers. It is always difficult to come to a consensus when dealing with something that is divine – yet human, and this was reflected in the lack of absolutes that were developed over the course of this class. It frustrated the crap out of me...in a good way, does that make sense?
So with a brain resembling an intense seniors boggle game, I headed into my weekend with a full work schedule – balancing kitchen work, dishes, and barista responsibilities can have its toll, I am currently writing this under the influence of artificial energy. One moment stuck out amidst the chaos though.
I walked in on the end of one of the sessions with the speaker; the speaker finished his talk and then invited the worship team up. As the music began there was something different. I’m not referring to an overwhelming amount of baritone voices, but something much more significant. As a person who desires to be a man of God, it is so encouraging to stand at the back of a room and see hands rise to praise God. Not just arms accented by cuff links and gold watches, but arms that were tattooed, wrinkled, dirty, all equal before the throne of God. I use to think that when boys became men they grew in maturity and turned away from foolish ways, though I`ve come to find very little truth to this though, I was shaken at the faith these men displayed. It went far beyond the raising of the hands, but throughout the weekend – I cannot stress this enough, I felt a deep tangible encouragement by these men who were truly acting as God had made them.
To be a man of God is not a theory. I`m learning that regardless of what we hold in our heart as our deepest convictions, if those are not manifested in our world than we are not men. We are simply boys who refuse to take responsibility, and by the grace of God, build His kingdom. I am feeling tugged in this area of my life. A lover of theology, debate, and discussion, I am finding myself with insufficient funds in the area of action. I love talking about love, but showing it? I read somewhere that faith without deeds is dead.
So I find myself staring at my computer screen writing about it. Pray that the words on this blog are not just that, words. This blog post is short, and I think I’m ok with that.
Thanks again,
Jake
Posted by JAKE at 4:52 PM 0 comments
Monday, November 24, 2008
the ten commandments...
Who among you is wise and understanding? Let him show by his good behaviour his deeds in the gentleness of wisdom.
James 3:13
I’m not sure if you know this, but I’m pretty hardcore. Now wait, I don’t mean hardcore in the sense you’re assuming. I am most moved by teachers who preach raw and tough truths. I am either wholly out of something – or wholly into something. Ask my mom. I had a conveyor belt of fads growing up, granted they wouldn’t last past the weekend, but for that period of time...I was hardcore.
This past Saturday I decided to neglect my pressing paper (don’t worry Dad I got it done), and went to a retirement home down the road. Having just finished watching a Mark Driscoll sermon, if you know this preacher, you know you seldom leave one his sermons with neutral feelings. He’s one of the best in provoking a reaction – and I was pumped. I strolled from the car (with a little strut) and whipped open the door to Oceanside Retirement Centre. This was not wise.
I am no physician, but I thought I felt an abnormal heartbeat of poor Mavis as I plopped down beside here, eager for conversation. My rapid fire question style, “Where are you from? How’d you get here? Are you going to eat those bananas?” led to a quick formal conversation. As we sat awkwardly looking at the ocean I felt God telling me to breathe.
And in...and out. Deep breathe.
I have ignored a lot of truth because it wasn’t conveyed in gentleness. Why is that? Is it not still truth? We have these flaws, don’t we? As soon as someone starts speaking who we don’t respect, we turn off. When someone is in my face my human nature is fight or flight. In the same way are we abusing the Word and truth of God by presenting it in a monotone, and dry package?
I was reading a book this year for class and I wanted to stab myself in the eyes. But, I kept telling myself, no this is truth so push through. And that is going to happen; there will be dry authors that speak truth. But is this what God intended? If we look at the Bible, we have epic battle tales, romantic poetry, comedic stories, dramatic stories...magnificent stories. Maybe I’ve grown up in a visual generation, with Youtube, with HD TV, and Facebook, a lot of my intolerance for these authors probably stems from my nurture. Regardless, if the church is striving to be relevant, the way it communicates must change.
This brings me to youth at St. John’s this week. This week we split genders and guys stayed at the church while the ladies headed elsewhere. Before we got our ‘manliness’ on, we watched a video. Now to understand my feelings towards this video we have to go deep into the past and open some old wounds. I have beef with Focus on the Family, and there is a word limit on this blog post, so I won’t go into it. But know they have been a thorn in my side since early adolescence. As this video, on the topic of sex (obviously on guys night), told horror story after horror story as people in the midst of the mid – 90’s spoke on why abstinence could have changed their life, I sat stunned. Not at the message, I was in agreement, but at the way it was portrayed in a cookie cutter, right – wing, judgemental, and condemning way, that our faith has become synonymous with.
I am noticing that the tone, the words I use, the way I convey them, is almost as important as the message itself.
1 Corinthians 9:21-23 says this, “To those not having the law I became like one not having the law (though I am not free from God's law but am under Christ's law), so as to win those not having the law. To the weak I became weak, to win the weak. I have become all things to all men so that by all possible means I might save some. I do all this for the sake of the gospel, that I may share in its blessings.”
For prayer this week I ask that you may pray that God would teach me to be versatile. That I would not be afraid to look weak, silly, or (heaven forbid) like a kid. A theme of humility is permeating this year, and I have a feeling it will continue.
Once again, your prayers and encouragement are a gift from God, thank you so much.
Jake
Posted by JAKE at 3:17 PM 1 comments
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
bottom of the ninth...
But you walked away from your first love—why? What's going on with you, anyway? Do you have any idea how far you've fallen? A Lucifer fall! "Turn back! Recover your dear early love. No time to waste, for I'm well on my way to removing your light from the golden circle.
Rev. 2:4-5 (The Message)
I'll start this blog post by speaking allegorically. You know when your walking through dense brush (and yes I know, using "dense brush" in an allegory is proof of my surroundings already) and you get all these branches, are tripped up by logs, and the occasional spider webs finds its way into your mouth? You have a goal in mind - you love the forest, you love what the forest means but sometimes we get so wrapped up and bothered about whats in the forest and we forget about the forest itself - we lose sight of the bigger picture.
Bible college is a dense brush.
As I wrestle through the challenges of proposed doctrines, investigate deeper into Greek and Hebrew origin, and attempt to wrap my head around theology - I am beginning to lose sight of Jesus. I am losing sight of love.
Yesterday was my first hour time slot in the prayer room here at Kaleo and that verse in Revelations was nagging me the entire time. I say nagging because in all honesty I would much rather prefer to consider myself above simple forgetfulness, above that beginner stuff. But God has been revealing to me the many flaws in my foundation. I pondered the doctrine of election before I pondered the idea of giving that homeless guy my sandwhich.
There is something profoundly, deeply, and perversely wrong with that.
So as I sat in the prayer room I looked at the pictures of all the students on the wall, and as I prayed for each one I realized how little love I had for this community, for these people, and it sucked. I wish I could use a better word but a simple and obvious word tends to work best for simple and obvious experiences. Wasn't it Jesus who said that anyone can love someone who loves them, and that true love is loving your enemy?
If this is true - which I consider the words of Jesus to be - than this affects me. In all likelyhood it probably affects you as well. Often if I find myself at odds with someone I quickly pull out and build fantastical arguments against them in my head, why it is ok for me to not like them - they obviously have some stuff they need to work on. And that's just liking people, dear God - am I ready for loving people?
I'm not sure what this looks like - to love people, in all honesty I'm not. And thats tough to type coming from someone who has heard of love for his entire life. Like most things this year I figure it is going to be something I am going to wrestle through...He just couldn't throw me a freebie eh?
So as I journey in prayer this week I would ask that you would come alongside - holding up myself, and the Kaleo community here. I pray 6am - 7am Tuesday morning (which is less than five hours away), 11am-12pm Wendesday, and 3pm-4pm on Thursday. On Friday I have been asked to lead the final chapel for this week so I ask that you would be in prayer for that as well, asking God to give me direction for this chapel and that it would in no way be to glorify me but in all ways glorify Him.
Again, thank you, thank you, thank you - for journeying with me thus far this year.
Love,
Jake
Posted by JAKE at 1:53 AM 1 comments
Sunday, November 16, 2008
eight is great (and overdue)
Therefore, rid yourselves of all malice and all deceit, hypocrisy, envy and slander of every kind. Like newborn babies, crave pure spiritual milk, so that by it you may grow up in your salvation, now that you have tasted that the Lord is good.
Posted by JAKE at 1:30 AM 0 comments
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
seven wonders of the world...
But someone will say, "You have faith; I have deeds." Show me your faith without deeds, and I will show you my faith by what I do.
James 2:18
Transferring bubbles is a difficult task. You have to build new deep relationships – grow more in love with God - learn from wise man...yeah, I’ve got it tough.
That statement sounds completely ridiculous doesn’t it? But the reality is, since mid- June I have had the privilege of being part of two communities, camp and Kaleo, that have provided the right setting for God to work in me in ways I could never have imagined. And lately I’ve been yearning.
This yearn is tangible, like a hunger pain, or a lover waiting for a plane to arrive – it’s deeper. Somehow, in some way, I understand that this yearning is taking place on a spiritual plane. This yearning is for the work that is taking place in my head and heart, to be transferred to my hands and feet.
I’ve heard the excuses, “Jesus was thirty when he began his ministry” or “keep your faith to yourself until you’ve established it more.” Well I can’t believe Jesus did nothing till he was thirty, and I’m pretty positive my faith will never be fully established – and so although I accept that for a season this is what God has for me, I also recognize that if I am not pouring this overflow of love into people then I am drowning.
Drowning.
On Monday we had the opportunity as a group of students to go to downtown Victoria and give out some socks and other items to the homeless down there. We heard the story of Mark, a man who had moved to Victoria from Ontario in pursuit of a girl – but when the girl died of cancer Mark turned to crack. We saw the exchanging of syringes, the rolling of joints, the exhale of momentary relief. We felt the heaviness, the desperation, the hopelessness.
And as we went about our day something felt right, that this was natural. This is the gospel of Christ. Despite the obvious work of the enemy it was overshadowed by the hope that God is working through these people in a way that is far beyond what we can do or comprehend.
I understand that this was for one day, not even, four hours. Then I returned to my hot meals, bank card, and warm bed. God is intentional though, I felt him saying, “ Here, look at what I have in store for you – but for now, for this season, I have something planned for you – trust me.”
James 2: 17 is straight forward, faith without deeds is dead. So I’m striving to resurrect my faith at Kaleo, in my church, with people back home, in my life. God has been so faithful this year, specifically in the lives of those in my youth. I would ask that you will continue to pray for the work that is taking place – that enemy would have no part in that work, that I would continually surrender that work and take none of it for myself.
Again, I cannot express my gratitude.
Much love,
Jake.
Posted by JAKE at 11:58 PM 1 comments
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Monday, October 27, 2008
on the sixth day...
"Oh! Precious is the flow,That makes me white as snow; No other fount I know, Nothing but the blood of Jesus"
Nothing But The Blood- Robert Lowry
I have grown up understanding that blood is gross. Blood is not a good thing, on a scale of good to bad it would be bad. Never had I considered terms like "lifeblood" or "getting the blood pumping" as actually having anything to do with blood. No way, Jose.
But we'll get back to that soon.
This past weekend I had the privlege of going to Hornby with my youth group on a retreat. For those of you who don't know where Hornby is, seriously now, it is four hours and two ferry rides north of Duncan. I'm surprised at how often I am surprised to find I'm still in Canada...aren't hippy islands extinct?
It was an amazing weekend to really build into the kids, love them, teach them what little knowledge a could, but mainly to just come alongside them in fellowship...Godly, wholesome fellowship. We journeyed through enchanted forests, stood on bluffs carved out by towering waves, laughed as we refused to fall asleep, and drank the blood of Christ in a serene beach setting.
As a leader on trips like these you come into it hoping for change for the students, what you don't expect is God working in you. I know that sounds weird but I've been guilty of weirder things. If you've been reading my previous posts you realize that my youth has delegates from all social parties, and yet they become one...almost like a body, where have I heard that before? I am slowly finding my place in this body - and it has been extremely rewarding.
So what about blood?
Our devotion and Bible study times have revolved around the fact that God loves them infinetely more than they know. So much so that the blood of Jesus was shed, simple stuff...right? We seldom mention how that blood cleanses us, how we are washed with the fount that is Jesus. We neglect the very thing that was intended by the action - we neglect freedom.
From my very first solo time during Spiritual Formation to quiet time I squeezed in during the retreat, the song Nothing But The Blood has been on repeat in my head. The truth of that song has been present during times of anger, times of frustration, times of peace and great joy, and times of confusion. I am not washed by the acceptance of others, nor by the praises of brothers and sisters in Christ. For only one act, call it substitutionary propitiation, call it an incomprehensible act of love...whatever, bottom line is that this saturates our whole life and, when fully surrendered too, leaves no stone unturned.
What is God teaching me, I think I'm suppose to meditate on that for a while, but I left this weekend being encouraged both directly and indirectly. I cannot thank you enough for the prayers I have received from you who continue to hold my youth and myself in prayer. I am continually amazed by the tangible difference prayer has made this year. God is so good, and I am tagging along for the ride, I look forward to letting you know how it goes. Until next week.
Jake
Posted by JAKE at 10:51 PM 1 comments
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
five scores...
Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful.
Colossians 3:12-15
The honeymoon is great. I assume this of course, no mom I didn't get married. But I am picturing two weeks of gazing into the others eyes, watching sunsets, and parasailing over Carribean waters. You both get a nice tan, a couple lame Hawaiin shirts, and maybe some Cuban cigars for your friends back home.
Well Kaleo, the honeymoon is over.
In my lifetime I have had the opportunity of being involved in some incredible communities, been able to share in some amazing fellowship, and worship with people I would consider some amazing brothers and sisters. One thing is inevitable though; when the pleasentries are over, the smiles have finally worn off, the true community appears.
It has become obvious this past couple days that feelings of discouragement and confusion have been hampering a lot of the students out here-feelings of inadequacy, mostly from past hurts...pains. I have noticed this as nescessary though in a community. To grow a thriving and honest community you must get rid of the old soil, the unfertile grow. You must dillegently and faithfully pluck the weeds that exist. Only when the garden has become fertile and prepared can growth take place.
These last few weeks there have been many weeds pulled, both in my life and in the life of others here. Weeds I didn't even know existed, probably the deadliest ones. Luckily I have had the opportunity to continue to build into meaningful and deepening relationships with a lot of the people here. A day has probably not gone by that I haven't discovered a new aspect or new truth about the character of God.
Coming up there are a couple things that I would love you guys to pray for. This weekend there is a retreat up with my youth group, three days of pretty intense interaction. I know there are kids right now struggling with even going and if you could pray for those kids that would be awesome. Secondly, if you could just pray that we wouldn't hinder God's work in anyway, that we would be open to God's will and ours would not get in the way. It would be extremely encouraging to know that there was a community holding us up in prayer between Friday and Sunday.
God is moving in big ways in the group. I am constantly amazed at how God has used this mosaic for his glory, how kids who by the worlds standards shouldn't get along but do-it can only be attributed to the grace of God. He is so good. I want to thank you in advance for the prayer, God has been working out here in amazing ways. Love you guys and check ya later.
Posted by JAKE at 12:28 AM 2 comments
Monday, October 13, 2008
four pete's sake...
The Lord has done great things for us, and we are filled with joy.
Psalm 126:3
Imagine getting picked up by a body of water, not only moving forward but upward as well. Don’t get too excited, you’ve got to stand up now...the front of your board digs in, boom. Next thing you know you’re surrounded on the beach by good looking girls...
So maybe that last part never happened.
This past week I had the opportunity to go surfing at a surf spot just north of Crofton, in a town called Tofino. I was probably in the water “surfing” for fifteen minutes before I decided that this is something I could do for the rest of my life. Of all the exhilarating things I’ve experienced, surfing was far and away the biggest rush I’ve ever felt. The combination of blending into God’s creation and trying to experience it is so unique...
It’s tough to write about this week, not because nothing happened, but I don’t think I’ve fully understood the happenings that have transpired over the past couple of days. It seems like in a matter of 48 hours some pretty serious saddening events have occurred in the events of a couple of Kaleo student’s lives. Through the times of prayers we’ve had consequently I’ve found a frequent theme of God working in ways beyond what we can imagine; beyond what we can comprehend...understand.
So I’m thankful, for this community of believers, who challenge, push, and stir. Who love, who care, who give and give and give.
There was a piece of cardboard that asked us what we were thankful for at our thanksgiving dinner tonight. As I read I noticed a reoccurring theme, somebody else. Not once did I see, thank you God for my great love, thank you God for my wisdom. I would argue, that Thanksgiving, might be just as spiritually important as Christmas, or Easter for that matter.
I’m heading into this week looking to slowly, with fear and trembling, work out this thing called faith, I don’t presume to comprehend it, but that’s faith- thank you so much for your prayers.
Jake
Posted by JAKE at 9:42 PM 0 comments
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
three strands are not easily broken...
The wicked man flees though no one pursues, but the righteous are as bold as a lion.
Proverbs 28:1
There are certain games that you just don’t like. Maybe there is nothing logic about this disdain, in fact it probably is completely illogical. Nonetheless this game exists, and on the rare occasion you are even forced to play...that was Friday’s youth group.
If you have ever done a photo scavenger hunt before you know that many of the tasks involve doing silly things, snapping a photo of you in some public place doing something humiliating. I love these tasks, I am good at humiliating. I become sensitive to what other people think of me as soon as those humorous tasks turn to serious tasks. Like showing people love...ugh.
The theme for the photo scavenger hunt was “spread the love”. Basically going around town doing random acts of kindness for people, often times making yourself vulnerable; open to the acceptance of these strangers. In one situation we had to offer our assistance to shoppers coming out of a grocery store, putting their bags in their car. This proved to be the fulfillment of one of my biggest fears, the need to be accepted.
Between the dirty looks, snide remarks, and denial after denial I was adamant on giving up. Citing, the disintegration of society and how we shouldn’t take this, as my reason. But she wouldn’t give up. “She” is a girl in my youth group. She asked everyone, time after time, denial after denial, until eventually, she had single handily given out three bottles of water, bought a shopping cart for a stranger, and loaded a load of groceries into the back of a sedan.
All of this while I stood in astonishment, and embarrassment, at my lack of boldness in the love
that Christ calls us to share.
Friday night humbled me.
Posted by JAKE at 12:37 AM 1 comments
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
and then there were two...
“If I have the gift of prophecy, and know all mysteries and all knowledge; and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing.”
1 Corinthians 13:2
It is a horrible predicament to be in, when God has worked in such amazing ways in your ministry that you struggle to narrow down just one thing to write about. As I was reflecting on what to write about for this, my second blog post, I felt an urge to be simple, and so simple I shall be.
The other night I had the privilege of heading out to the local swimming pool/ water park with some of the kids from youth as part of a Cowichan Valley inter-youth night, involving most youth groups in the area. Since Duncan is a fairly small town, it seemed like most of the kids already knew each other and so, regardless of youth group, kids would pair up with friends from school or extracurricular teams that they were on. Not that I’m against it, it was awesome to see the youth really come together as one big body, but what this did is reveal to me those to whom youth group was all they had. They didn’t have those school friends, they couldn’t afford those extracurricular activities, and it broke my heart. I then saw what an amazing opportunity it would be for me to spend one on one time with these kids, to get to know them in a way I knew I wouldn’t in a group where their voices would be lost. And so we played, and the strangest thing happened.
The love became infectious. At first I shrugged off one new kid joining our posse as an attempt to steal my flutter board, but by the end of the night I saw the people who had come and gone as huge blessings. No matter how small an impact they might be to the casual onlooker, to this kid, they meant everything.
As I continue on this journey I would again like to ask that you remain in prayer. That you continue to hold up the youth I work with, without you guys, this would be next to impossible. So thank you, thank you, and thank you...much love.
Until next time,
Jake
Posted by JAKE at 12:54 AM 2 comments
Sunday, September 21, 2008
In the beginning...
Young men, in the same way be submissive to those who are older. All of you, clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, because, "God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble."
1 Peter 5:5
Since my time here at Kaleo I have been looking forward to the ministry aspect of the program. I’ve yearned to put into practice the head knowledge, to put deeds to my faith, not because it helps my faith but because it is my faith, so that I may be alive in Christ. This year I have chosen to spend my time in church ministry at an Anglican church, somewhere I never thought I would be. If you know me, and most of you who are reading this do, I am very strongly opinionated, and more often than not, wrongly so. It is one of my passions to seek out new and exciting teachers of the Word of God...the Rob Bell’s, the Mark Driscoll’s, and the Francis Chan’s. I knew going into my ministry at this church that that would not be what I would get from my time at this church. After two Sundays, one youth service, five cups of coffee, and more handshakes I can count, I am more than ever reassured that God works in mysterious and powerful ways. I have been reminded of the need for a humble attitude, for a reverence for authority, when I sometimes, and I mostly don’t, agree. I am sustained, and only sustained, through my hope in Christ Jesus my Lord and that he is a God of great might, and he is faithful. Do I waver? Of course, I am a young man, and am constantly reminded by that from the wisdom of the older men, (one of the benefits of an Anglican church) but I must constantly, “come to myself” as the prodigal son does in Luke. This means I assess my surroundings, my reactions, and my heart. I act not on impulse but on wisdom and discernment, none of which is my own. So for this year the Lord is telling me to stay, to be in this community, to love these youth, and so I trust that God works. I cannot tell you how much it means that you are in prayer for me, thank you. Your persistence is felt tangibly in my day to day goings out here. Until next time,
Love
Jake
Posted by JAKE at 7:47 PM 0 comments