of saskatchewan and thirty hour bus rides...

"Speak to one another with psalms, hymns and spiritual songs. Sing and make music in your heart to the Lord"

-Ephesians 5:19

Call me fickle, but lately I have found power in the song. As I sat on a thirty hour bus ride away from gorgeous and warm B.C. to the forsaken land of Saskatchewan, I came across such a song. But to understand this scenario better I must provide some contextual information.

Not this weekend, but the one before that, I boarded a bus with nine other Kaleo's heading for Christian Mecca, Caronport (Saskatchewan). Personally I wish we would have borrowed a page from Islam and picked somewhere a little warmer - like Saudi Arabia - but alas we were off.

One ferry ride, five games of catchphrase, thirteen hours of sleep, and one sleezy motel later - we arrived.

You know those times in life when you hear a lot about a place and when you arrive you remark, "Wow, this is nothing like what I expected!" This was not one of those times. Briercrest is in the middle of nowhere. It is very cold. And the people there are amazing. I was reunited with my long lost siblings, won a basketball tournament against people I could babysit (proud of that one), and played pond hockey on a cold Saskatchewan night in the glow of a roaring fire. Life is hard.

I can remember during one of the worship services for YouthQuake (my official reason for being there) we were singing the Christian classic, "How Great Is Our God". And I can remember looking around while the chorus was being sung, people proclaiming the amazing power of God, and I thought to myself, "I wonder what would happened if they actually believed that?"

Now God has really impressed humility on my heart this year, so I should not be surprised at the response that came back to me.

"What If you really believed it Jake?"

This is a quote from A.W. Tozer, "Christians don't tell lies they just go to church and sing them."

I began to realize two things. One - My words need to be in sync with my deeds. I should approach prayer with the same faith that I sing, "Savior, He can move the mountains..." with. Two - that God is working in tremendous ways through music.

I realize that last point does not sound like a profound insight - but to an analyzer like myself, someone who needs a theological dissertation to praise God - this is huge. And my guess is many of you who are reading this blog can relate. You who want to get the fluffy songs out of the way in a service so the "real teaching" can begin.

And the truth is, from a Biblical perspective, this argument does not stand. David found an outlet in the Psalms, Jesus - on the night of his arrest - sung a hymn with his disciples (Matt. 26:30), and Paul commands us in his letter to the church in Ephesus to sing spiritual songs.

I have a feeling that music is more than notes on a page. That, in the same way as prayer, it is a divine way of entering into fellowship with the God of the Universe.

So back to the bus ride...

As I sat with headphones in, driving into the Alberta horizon, a song comprised purely of instrumental goodness, resonated between my ears. And it was in that moment that I felt equipped to love more. Despite my exhaustion, frustration, and general annoyance - God replaced my selfishness with love. Not through a three point theological sermon, but through carefully strung together notes.

I should stop putting God in my understanding box. Because lately He is refusing to stay inside it.

harlotry and hosea...

"When the LORD first spoke through Hosea, the LORD said to Hosea, " Go, take to yourself a wife of harlotry and have children of harlotry; for the land commits flagrant harlotry, forsaking the LORD."

Hosea 1:2 (NASB)

And so here I find myself once more, it is Monday night and I am too tired, with too much work to do, on too little of a time frame. But I trust the Lord will work through my incoherent ramblings to produce something of value, and if not I apologize in advance.

This past week I wrote a paper on Hosea for Old Testament Literature. Most of you have probably some vague idea of Hosea, and the symbolic relationship that takes place between Hosea and Gomer that represented God and Israel. But once you get past that story you realize you have 80% of the book left. The remaining 12 chapters contain Hoseas address to the Israelites, condemning sin, calling out leaders.

Frankly, by chapter seven - I'm ready for these Israelites to be smotten in some spectacular fashion. 'Cause lets face it, none of us are that bad.

Right?

If we dig deeper we find that the two main areas of sin Hosea address are idolatry and unauthorized/unsanctioned kingship. Whew, good thing we don't struggle with those things...

Yea, right...

Mark Driscoll once told of a story when he was in India of a conversation he had with a pastors wife planting a church down there. Mark had just come from a rural community filled with literal idols and blood of animals. When Mark asked this pastors wife if she would ever come to America, she replied, " I did once - but I cannot stomach the idolatry."

One of the great lies from the enemy right now in North America is that idolatry is a sin found only in Biblical narratives, or in third world countries.

Secondly, we see the sin of unauthorized kingship permeate Hoseas rebuke. And again, what appears to be solely the problem of those living in Eighth Century (B.C.) Israel, is very much ours.

Who are the rulers of our lives. Are they sports stars, politicians, comedians...your girlfriend, your wife. Maybe they are people who don't even want to be put in that position, a pastor, a mentor. I know personally this year I have struggled with reading more "Christian literature" - than the Bible.

And as I read this I say to myself, "Lord, kill these people...", thus in reality I am saying, "Lord, kill me."

It is a dangerous thing - to turn Biblical narratives into an "us" vs. "them". Seldom is that true.

So when all hope seems lost for the Israelites, when there sins seem to be too staggering to compensate, Hosea chapter 14 happens. And this is where I will end my blog. It is hard to read that chapter and not leave with an overwhelming sense of hope; faith in the One who redeems us.

Love you guys,

Jake

as i stumble out of the week...

“Ah come on, Adrian, it's true. I was nobody. But that don't matter either, you know? 'Cause I was thinkin', it really don't matter if I lose this fight. It really don't matter if this guy opens my head, either. 'Cause all I wanna do is go the distance. Nobody's ever gone the distance with Creed, and if I can go that distance, you see, and that bell rings and I'm still standin', I'm gonna know for the first time in my life, see, that I weren't just another bum from the neighborhood.”

- Sylvester Stallone (Rocky)

I have had the privilege in my lifetime to live with a Rockyholic. In case you are unfamiliar with this term (don’t worry, so is Webster’s), this is someone who not only quotes Rocky quotes but who can incorporate them into real life as if they were that persons original words – spoken for the first time.

This is my best friend Warren.

Now, although I have only managed to see bits and pieces of Rocky, I feel as if I am an owner of the limited edition box set. There is something truly remarkable about the lessons learned from one man who literally rises out of nothing to become a hero to the underdog. As Christians, although I am most definitely not replacing scripture, there is a lot we can learn from Rocky.

This week I had the privilege of directing (along with two other lovely ladies) a film embodying the Old Testament. This was an entire class project – and so early on the stress of accommodating twenty four differing opinions weighed very heavily. Between chopping up scripts, finding locations, and struggling to find some continuity, I found myself dead by Tuesday afternoon. The picture below is of me directing the opening scene (obviously creation).



But – I must digress for a moment. You see, I have talked a lot on this blog about how God has been graciously redeeming me. How he has been changing my desires into His desires. So here I am, in a room full of people talking about the necessity for more fight scenes in the movie and I can just walk out and say, “screw it” right then and there.

Or.

I can surrender to God. I can stop being a prideful arrogant jerk and pass of responsibilities to more my than capable co-directors. I can smile; I can genuinely laugh as I watch some genuinely funny people perform.

I have been training all year – and all I want to do is go the full twelve rounds to prove that I’m not the same bum of a kid who left Newmarket six months ago.

In his letter to the church in Corinth Paul writes, “Be on the alert, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong.” (1 Cor. 16:13)

Act like men.

I can just picture Paul yelling this. The church in Corinth, although known for their debauchery, was experiencing tremendous growth. Congregations full of prostitutes, tax collectors, and...

Bums from the neighbourhood.

As much as I want to tell you I went the full twelve rounds this week - I can’t.
As much as I want to stand with my feet on the turnbuckle and hear the crowd chant my name – I can’t.

Because we know that when Paul says, “be strong”, he does so knowing what David wrote.“The LORD is my strength and my shield.” (Psalm 28:7)

So in the midst of that chaotic room I gave it up to God; desperately wanting to prove myself, like Rocky, that I wasn’t some shmuck. But without God I am a shmuck – and that’s the truth of it.

Long story short, movie gets completed, and once again God proves his awesome majesty and grace in my life. He has been so good. I ask that you would continue to pray that I would be obedient to the calling of God on my life.

Oh, one more thing – Happy Birthday Warren.

Jacob

p.s. the movie I just spoke about “The O.T.” will be up shortly on the main Kaleo Six blog, www.kaleosix.blogspot.com

dear friends.

“Maybe that’s what he means when he says, “Do this in remembrance of me.” The “do this” part is our lives. Opening ourselves up to the mystery of resurrection, open for the liberation of others, allowing our bodies to be broken and our blood to be poured, discovering our Eucharist. Listening. And going. Because when we do this in remembrance of him, the world will never be the same; we will never be the same.”
-Rob Bell & Don Golden (Jesus Wants to Save Christians: A Manifesto for the Church in Exile)

I have a feeling that I might get more responses for the source of my quote (Rob Bell), than for the content of this blog – oh well. Lately I have been feeling that I have become impersonal and stand offish in my blogs, for that I apologize.

It’s been a really hard week for me. Now, my tone when I say that is not “woe is me” but, “praise the Lord.” As I mentioned in last week’s blog, God has been making it continuously obvious to me where I fall short in the area of faith. And now, as I go through the Old Testament (for OT Lit class), I find myself studying a God who couldn’t possibly be the one I worship. Could he?

I tried for the longest time to suppress those doubts – covering them with some lame rational I conjured up in my mind using reason – always reason. Millard Erickson wrote, in one of his introductory level Christian doctrine books, about the gift of reason that distinguishes humans from all other creatures.

Ironic.

That very thing that has been bestowed upon us as a gift is the very thing that deters us from acknowledging the Giver.

An area where a lot of my (very finite) “brain power” has been allocated recently is in the understanding of the Eucharist. One of the blessings I am finding of attending an Anglican Church this year is the weekly observance of the Eucharist. And in that book quoted above, Rob and Don speak on the importance for the Eucharist to not only permeate into a momentary state of remembrance, but into our lives. Paul tells us to, “follow him as he follows Christ.” (1 Cor. 11:1).

I wonder how literal Paul took his following of Christ. Surely we are not called to follow Him to the point of embarrassment, to the point of death?

And so it is beginning to dawn on me, that as I eat of His body and drink of His blood – a feeling of gratitude should be met with an equal feeling of conviction, of encouragement, of sorrow for the oppressed. In the book, Rob and Don told the reader to try and partake in the Eucharist with those who you are holding grudges against – those feelings of animosity wouldn’t last long.

Like other blogs past, I feel as if this blog is best written in few words. So I thank you, for your prayers – I ask that you would continue to persist in your prayers with me before God, come on – I’m quoting Rob Bell – obviously I need them.

Just a joke.

hope and faith.

"But Jacob stayed behind by himself, and a man wrestled with him until daybreak. When the man saw that he couldn't get the best of Jacob as they wrestled, he deliberately threw Jacob's hip out of joint. The man said, "Let me go; it's daybreak." Jacob said, "I'm not letting you go 'til you bless me." The man said, "What's your name?" He answered, "Jacob." The man said, "But no longer. Your name is no longer Jacob. From now on it's Israel (God-Wrestler); you've wrestled with God and you've come through."

Genesis 32: 22-29 (The Message)

These past few days have been very interesting ones. Coming off four days of 24 hour prayer, God has been at work in the thoughts and hearts of many here at Kaleo; stories of God’s peace touching the frantic, His love impacting the disheartened, and His nature confusing the “wise”.

I would love to put myself in the category of someone who felt God’s peace – I didn’t. It would have been awesome to have God’s peace calm my heart – it didn’t. Instead – I found myself in each one of my prayer times literally pacing the room, desperately engaging God. Even now as I write this blog I have trouble verbalizing what happened – what’s happening.

Lately, I have been praying for a lot of direction, asking God to provide and make himself evident in certain aspects of my life. On occasion, mostly when I feel like it, I will worship and thank God for the things he has done – but not as often as I would like.

This struggle, this uneasy tension, reminds me a lot of the story of Jacob. Here is a man who physically wrestled with God – a man who wrestled with the Creator of the Universe. Not only does he wrestle with Him, he has the audacity to ask God for a blessing. Now, I don’t know about you but if God had me in an arm-bar I’m pretty sure I would not take that opportune moment to ask a quick favour. What is even more shocking is that God complies.

What?

At first this is very confusing, but when I let go of all my preconceived notions of how God works, it starts to become clearer.

Firstly, I think God loves it when we wrestle, when we engage Him. David, a man God called after “His own heart”, has writing hundred of Psalms of lament, supplication, and pleas. Recently, I just went through a crisis with one of my friends and coming out on the other end I know things are better between us than two weeks ago. The process was not easy and pleasant, but there is something so raw and good about wrestling with issues, confronting friends.

Secondly, God wants us to prevail. He wants us to come out of the other end of that wrestling match with a renewed vigour. The problem lies – and as I write this it is becoming clearer – in the fact that sometimes we don’t want to come out the other end. Personally, I would like to hold onto everything I can to complain about before God. We dwell in our “woe is me” state for so long that we actually start to believe it. This is the power of darkness, and the only way to come out of it is to deny yourself. Period.

A friend once told me change is like growing asparagus. You can water them, give them lots of sunlight, and even talk to them. But you may not see anything external, anything visible. That is, until one day, before you know it you’ve got asparagus.

I write this now with hope and faith.

Hope that God will prevail.

Faith that God will bring me out of this with a renewed desire for nothing of me and everything of Him.

Hope that God is working at St. John’s in ways I cannot see or put measure too, and faith that it is in ways that are beyond my limitations and calculation.

Dear brothers and sisters I would invite you to pray for me. Pray that this time of wrestling would ultimately bear good fruit for the glory of God.

“Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!” (Phil 4:4)

Jake

a good day...

“His conversion (Brother Lawrence), which took place when he was about eighteen years old, was the result, under God, of the mere sight in midwinter, of a dry and leafless tree, and of the reflections it stirred respecting the change the coming spring would bring. From that time he grew eminently in the knowledge and love of God, endeavouring constantly to walk “as in his presence”.

-Excerpt from “The Practice of the Presence of God” (by Brother Lawrence)

Lately I have found myself doing some good things. Firstly, I have kicked my energy drink addiction due to both health and financial constraints. Secondly, I have resolved to do my laundry before it becomes a suitable ecosystem for fungi and other biological life. And thirdly, and probably most importantly, I have been living daily lately.

I know that may sound silly, to “live daily”. You may say such things as, “but Jake, I am alive on a daily basis, I’m not sure where you’re going with this...” But to say such a thing would be a failure to recognize (or possibly not) the pace that we run our lives at, with thoughts that are neither currently applicable or have a low probability of becoming relevant before you lay your head to rest.

We have heard it said, “Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.”(Matt. 6:34) And then, like most of the gospel, under the name of “contextualization”, we gloss this truth over with less forceful, more tolerant words; words that tell you that worrying about tomorrow is not only acceptable, but an attribute of wisdom. Heck, I would love to see the fancy footwork of one of those apocalyptic junkies as they danced around this one.

Recently I came across a picture that Time Magazine had cited as one of the most profound of 2008.




In case you are unfamiliar with the man picture above, it is Warren Buffet, one of the world’s richest men – an investing guru. Here is a man who serves as an idol for our culture, someone who had nothing and got it all, right? Yet, as he waits for his shareholders meeting to get underway he finds himself checking his watch – click – and for that millisecond the great Warren Buffet gives us some deep insight into the frailty of life.

With this in mind I set out for a walk the other day with a friend, and on this walk I thought of nothing but today. I thought of all the people who need to be told they are loved. I thought of all the people I had been neglecting, all the people I was too busy to sit down with.

And you know what; I found that Jesus was right. In that moment I was overcome with all that needed to be done that day – just that day. It would be as if a man was in a battle with an enemy soldier and the entire time his thoughts were on the soldiers to come, he wouldn’t make it past that soldier, he would die.

I don’t think Jesus was giving us a suggestion – a tip, He was letting on to a much more vital piece of information;

How to live.

How to take each breath.

How to seek first his kingdom and his righteousness (Matt 6:33)

Lately I have found myself becoming greatly discouraged in my ministry at St. John’s, finding myself confused and unable to see my purpose in this congregation. I am finding that living moment by moment with the God of the Universe is the only way I will be able to love the people of St. John’s, and God has been revealing this to me – even as I write this now I am finding clarity that did not exist half an hour ago.

So pray. “...so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith; and that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled up to all the fullness of God. Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think, according to the power that works within us, to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations forever and ever. Amen.” (Eph 3:17-21)

Thanks again dear brothers and sister,

Jake

Living in the Kadosh Hakadashim...

And when Jesus had cried out again in a loud voice, he gave up his spirit. At that moment the curtain of the temple was torn in two from top to bottom. The earth shook and the rocks split. The tombs broke open and the bodies of many holy people who had died were raised to life.

Matthew 27:50 – 52

So I was washing my hands in the bathroom the other day (that one’s for you mom) when a friend of mine came in who had recently attended a worship service in Victoria. When I asked Him how it was he remarked on the joy that can be found when the music is so loud your voice is completely lost. I smiled, concurred, and then went back to class, but my friends comment got me thinking.

What would it be like to be completely surrounded by the presence of God – to be engulfed by Him? How would that change the way I live, think, and dream?

In the Bible it speaks of such a place, a place where the strong became weak, the proud –humble.

Kadosh Hakadashim, the Holy of Holies, the Most Holy Place.

Every year at Yom Kippur the High Priest, and only the High Priest, would pass through a curtain in the temple and enter into the Holy of Holies - with a lower priest gripping onto a rope that was attached to the ankle of the High Priest, why you ask? Well in case the sacrifice was performed improperly and the High Priest had to be smitten of course (in which case the other priests would not have to enter the Holy of Holies but rather could drag him out).

My first reaction was to wrap my head around this, to comprehend the glory that was being revealed that caused these men, these spiritual leaders, to keel over and die. Wait though, that can’t be the God I know, can it?

When Jesus died the curtain was torn. Men who had trembled at the mentioning of Kadosh Hakadashim, could now see what was behind the curtain, and it must have been a disappointment. This veil was a symbol of distinction between man and God - between us and Him.

Now don’t get me wrong – I am beyond grateful, beyond appreciative for the atonement of our sins, but lately (in my humanness) I’ve been wondering. What would it be like to be so insignificant, so weak, so frail – in the presence of God? And why, if I worship the same God who took residence inside this Holy Place, why has my reverence subsided? Why has my humility not increased in light of who He is? Why am I still as arrogant, as proud, and as boastful as I was yesterday?

In no way is this year about me. It is not about the kids I will come alongside at church, the people I will reach on the streets of New York, it is about a God who can do “abundantly more than we can ask or imagine” (Eph. 4:20).

I am not a good person. In the sight of God our “righteous acts” are considered used menstrual rags (Isaiah 64:6).

The One who will love the people of St. John’s will not be me.

The One who will weep when faced with the realities of Brooklyn, will not be me.

When I cry because of a brother in anguish, those will not be my tears.

When I stand against opression - the enemy, those will not be my legs.

"He must increase, but I must decrease" (John 3:30).

So dear brothers and sisters I ask that you pray for me – not that I would find out who I am, what I can do – but that God would remain consistent in his grace, considering me worthy to hurt for the ones he loves.